Nothing like being knocked off your feet by illness to be delivered a few home truths. Right?
Cannot believe that from feeling so totally shithouse I learned a few really powerful things. And I healed myself naturally. Bear with me….
It’s been a bit non-stop around here lately. I am working, there’s the 3 kids under 4, and we just moved house. Is that enough to claim ‘being busy’?
I feel like I’m a broken record when it comes to ‘being busy’.
There’s always ‘so much to do’, there’s never ‘any time’. There’s forgetting water bottles at kindy, and goggles to the pool. There’s ‘penciling in’ a date night with the husband instead of opening my laptop to work every night.
This past weekend I was supposed to have a photo shoot and video shoot for my swanky new website. As someone who has been doing it all herself, making things around here a bit more professional feels like a big deal. I felt like everything had to be PERFECT for it. So I went and got a facial (I never get facials!), someone else painted my toenails, girlfriends helped me find a few outfits (I’m not a great clothes shopper), a friend bought a vase for the kitchen in my ‘brand colours’, I was searching for stools for the kitchen bench like a freak.
I was losing. my. mind!
And then the cyclone came. Literally.
It rained all day Saturday, like really rained. And the photographer and videographer decided it would be better to postpone to next weekend, so we could be outside and have at least a little bit of sunshine. Argh! All that angst and then it was cancelled.
All week I had been doing my best to eat well so I could stay healthy and look and feel great. So what did I do as soon as it was cancelled?? I had a Bounty bar and made a dinner with pastry. Bought pastry.
I can’t remember the last time I did that. I had been steering clear of bread (this is a blog post for another day!) and wanted it SO BADLY that I then baked pizza scrolls on Sunday and had pasta for dinner. Oh dear, Lisa doesn’t do well when depriving herself… That is a total gluten blowout and rather unheard of for me.
I was absolutely self-sabotaging.
This was not helped by the fact that I woke up on Sunday feeling out of sorts and by mid-morning realised that the massive lump in my right breast was not only painful and getting worse, it was causing me to feel very ill.
Mastitis was on it’s way.
I contacted Jessie from Get A Fresh Start because she’s mentioned having mastitis six times whilst feeding her son. She’s into essential oils so I asked if anything natural helped her. Before I knew it she was on my doorstep with oils to put on my feet and my breast.
I was soooooo skeptical.
So I spent Sunday and most of Monday rubbing oils on myself, and pumping my boobs in the shower! Sounds rather sexy … but anyone who has had mastitis knows it’s far from glam.
On Sunday a friend suggested looking up the amazing book You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay.
If you don’t have this book, I highly recommend it. She outlines all types of dis-ease and what the root cause might be. Here’s what she said about mastitis:
Mastitis: A refusal to nourish the self. Putting everyone else first. Overmothering. Overprotection. Overbearing attitudes.
New though pattern: I am important. I count. I now care for myself with love and with joy. I allow others the freedom to be who they are. We are all safe and free.
Wow. I pondered that for a few hours.
And then I cried. A lot.
There was so much for me to take away from these words. And that new thought pattern is SO HARD to chant to yourself because it involves so much release.
Releasing the need to control those around me, releasing the need to change myself, better myself.
It involves loving in a way that is sometimes so hard. I am ABSOLUTELY guilty of thinking that I know what others need in order to ‘be happy’. But seriously, what do I know?
It involves me coming back to myself and letting go.
Just letting go.
So the shoot is happening this Sunday now. And I don’t have the new couches yet, and my hair will have roots, and my skin won’t be plump and the vases don’t match and the kids will be filthy and I’ll probably have a sweat moustache and I will most definitely say the wrong things, and my arms will wobble in a way that isn’t all that cool.
But I needed to learn that that was all OK. That authentic, and real, and fallible, and messy is WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT.
Perfection is an ideal. Chasing it can cause illness.
I’m allowing more flow. I’m allowing myself time off – like at least one day a week. I’m booking a holiday. And I’m leaving my phone on silent.
Thank you mastitis. I needed you to come along and remind me to slow down and to remember what’s important (who, me??) and loving those around me unconditionally again.
You disappeared thanks to those oils (if you want to know more about them the visit Jessie’s page) and I believe also for the the realisations I had about the busyness of my life and the lack of self-care (because if I really did care and love myself I wouldn’t have had a total gluten BINGE).
I am looking forward to establishing a new status quo – one that doesn’t involve every second of every day being taken up with ‘being productive’.
What is something you could do today to show yourself a bit of self-care and self-love?
Comment below and please feel free to share this post with someone who you think could use a gentle reminder to take care of themselves too. And if you need some more tips and hints – check out Small Steps Back to You.