I’m sitting in the Helen Hackett Lounge at the Wesley Hospital.
I’m wearing a white gown.
A lovely volunteer has shown me around and I’m two hours in without any hope of leaving soon.
I just saw a doctor after having a mammogram. I’m waiting for an ultrasound and to see the doctor again.
I’m absolutely convinced that the ‘thickening’ in my right boob is nothing to worry about. It’s been there for a few months and originally I had thought it was hormonal soreness, but realised it was there all the time.
A trip to my GP and she could ‘feel it’ but believed it was fibrous tissue. Which was great. Nothing to worry about. But I needed to get these tests done just in case.
In an hour or two I will have the ‘all clear’ but in that space in between, I’m pretty confronted and slightly scared. Because there’s always a chance, isn’t there?
There’s a chance for anything to happen. Any time.
And so I’m thinking about my life. About my kids. About my awesome husband. I’m thinking about how we are trying to make some changes but it often feels hard and uncomfortable. It feels like we need to wait for things to be in place…. More money, or a better time, or more certainty.
When really. The time is now. Anything can happen tomorrow.
This moment is making me think about the ONLY thing that is important – LIVING! And living our best life. Whatever that means….
I guess when I ask myself personally what a good life means it involves reducing stress and busy-ness. It involves meaningful relationships. It involves purposeful work. It involves being as present as I can in my everyday life and living a life aligned with my values. It involves enjoying my days – not enduring them.
Lofty goals – but NOT unachievable.
Here’s what a good life doesn’t involve – panicking about things I can’t control and feeling like every move I make is somehow wrong. It doesn’t involve guilt for what I’m not doing – or things I wish I hadn’t.
It doesn’t involve nit-picking about food, or other people’s lifestyle choices. It doesn’t involve berating myself for not being fit enough, slim enough, happy enough, healthy enough, generous enough.
It’s appreciation for this magical gift of being born a human. And it’s small steps to the improvements I want to make in my own life.
When you are faced with your mortality – things come into sharper focus. Petty stuff falls away.
Don’t you agree?
What does living a good life mean to you?
I am so blessed to have walked out without a diagnosis. But I know many women don’t. It shouldn’t take a shock like this to bring us back to what’s important – but so often it does.
I live and breathe my Small Steps mantra. And I’ve been working on a very exciting project launching soon, for women who are interested in improving their life without guilt, overwhelm and dogma. If ‘all or nothing’ has gotten you nowhere, then Small Steps Living is just what you need. Join the wait list and be the first to hear what’s coming soon…
PS. I have since researched the effects of mammograms and know there are alternatives and I would appreciate no judgment or advice.
ALSO – A word about volunteers. Far out! The women who could be doing whatever they want with their time at the other end of their working life – they are giving their time here. Legends.