In this episode, Lisa talks about how easy it is to judge ourselves, and feel judged by others – for how we eat, how we parent, how we look, how we live. She shares her thoughts and strategy around losing that fear of judgement, and unashamedly being your most authentic self.
Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript:
Hey, welcome to another episode of the podcast. Now, do you want to know the absolute truth? I’ve just done the drop-off with my three kids, so today is a work day, and I have something to do in about an hour and twelve minutes.
But as I was driving, I had this thought, and it’s something that’s come up for me before, and I knew I wanted to record a podcast on it. But I just haven’t yet, and so now it’s happening. This has not been planned, I do not have any notes beside me. This is just a topic that I’m feeling right this minute, and I’m sure there are going to be lots of us who can relate.
But let me say this first. Nick always gets a little bit surprised that I don’t hate ageing. I don’t. I sure, would prefer a few less wrinkles, and look at my body, or my face, or whatever, and think, ‘Wow, that’s changed. That is not what it used to look like.’
But it’s not meant to, and I find myself getting cooler and cooler with that. Because, I mean, what am I going to do? Spend the rest of my life hating the way that I look, or that my body is changing, because age is a thing? All I can do is take care of myself, move myself, in the best way possible, and then I’m sweet.
But, you know, he’s pushing 40 and look, I’m one year behind him. So, I’ll be 38 this year. I feel like that thought excites me. There is so much that I haven’t done in these first 40 years, but so much that I have done. And the older I get, the cooler I get with that.
If you’re someone like me, I want to do all the things, and I want to do them yesterday. So, it’s been pretty much me my whole life. I’d always put my hand up for things, I was always doing stuff. You know, maybe that’s why I also just pumped out three children really quickly, three kids in four years. Because I could, and I did.
Anyway, now I’m getting a bit off topic. I was wanting to talk about how, with age, is coming this awesome sense of who I am, and what actually matters. And it’s something I’m learning more and more, and I love that. I love that I’m not 22, and deeply insecure, and, kind of, swaying in the wind, I guess. Thinking that the things other people cared about were the things that I needed to care about too. I just love that I’m getting older, and wiser.
So, with that said, the topic that I wanted to talk about today is off the back of just one too many conversations with a particular school mum, who I’m pretty sure doesn’t listen to this podcast (most people at school don’t know what I do). Who is really judgy, and nosy, but all in that, you know, ‘Oh, are you okay? Why didn’t you-, are you alright? Is everything-,’ It’s just the worst.
Anyway, this particular mum, I just used to think, was everything I wasn’t. Really organised, on top of things. You know, kids obviously doing sight words, every single night. And just made me feel really inadequate. That’s ridiculous. I mean, I am the mum who will be scrounging around, because on the way to school, I’ll remember it’s like, gold coin donation for something, and I probably needed to wear a different coloured t-shirt for that, and that’s not happening. And that’s, kind of, me sometimes.
But you know what? That’s me sometimes, and that’s okay. I don’t need to compare myself, or have it feel like someone is judging me, because I’m a little bit absent-minded. No.
Because I can choose to be unjudgeable.
I can choose for other people to see me, have their own thoughts about me, and it not affect me at all. When you do the kind of work I do-, like, for example, I’m recording a podcast right now, totally on the fly. And some of you might listen and go, ‘Oh, quite enough. So over you, Lisa Corduff,’ or, ‘This has nothing to do with me,’ or, ‘She’s just rambling.’ That’s totally fine by me, because I’m just doing the work that I feel called to do.
I am parenting in the way that feels good for me. I am living in a way that, well, sometimes doesn’t feel good to me, but I can choose to change. And this is the thing, right. So, I’m not the tidiest person, and I think I might have shared on the podcast before, if not I’ve definitely shared on Facebook, I tell people all the time, because people always ask me how I do it all. And I don’t.
We have a cleaner that comes in once a week to help, you know, just do bathrooms, floors, all that stuff. You know, if you come the day before that happens, I might not invite you inside, because I’m worried about being judged. But how crazy is this? I can choose to be unjudgeable, because I can choose to be totally fine with where I’m at, and what I’m doing. Isn’t that a freaking relief?
That however other people might judge me, my work, my parenting, my marriage, my house, my whatever the hell other people who’ve got no life want to do, judging me. It’s fine, because I can choose to be unjudgeable.
I wanted to come in, record this podcast quickly-, it’s only going to be a quick one. Because I feel like this is something that we could all lean more towards, especially in the area of food. How many of you feel judged in online circles, you know, healthy eating, wellness, type circles? How many of you are judging yourself for what you are, or aren’t eating? You know, whether there is a broth on, or whether there isn’t? What went into your kids’ school lunchboxes, what didn’t?
Enough of the judgement. Of yourself, first, and of thinking that everyone else is out there judging you. You know, the actual truth is, I don’t know that many judgemental mums, personally, in real life. There seem to be a lot of them online! But I don’t really know all that many in real life. We all, kind of, have each other’s backs.
We’re all dealing with exactly the same stuff. So if we choose to be unjudgeable, we’re just setting ourselves free.
And for the unfortunate few judgy mums, they can just go on in their judgy world, being more interested in other people’s lives than their own, and that’s their deal. That’s okay. If that’s the way they want to live their life, if that’s what’s important to them, they’re inclined to stay that way. But me, I’m going to, kind of, get my Teflon coating happening around, well, one particular woman.
Because at this point in time, pushing 40, raising children in a crazy world, working in a very judgy space. You know, I put stuff out there and I think, ‘It’s not perfect. That person who has the perfect blog, or the perfect, you know, diet, they’re going to judge. I shouldn’t even say it.’ Who the eff cares? Not me, and neither should you.
What do you feel judged for in your life? Is it time to let go of that? What are you judging yourself for? It’s definitely time to let go of that. Sometimes I feel like we can get those little feelings, in the pit of our tummy, that things are off track. And it’s nice, it’s like, ‘Oh yes, thanks intuition. Thanks little person on my shoulder, saying, “Hey Lisa, there’s a better way to go here.”’ That’s awesome, as long as it isn’t in a judgemental tone. ‘Oh, here we are again, same place. Once again, you’re the mum running late into the school grounds. Come on, get it together.’ I don’t need to talk to myself like that. I wouldn’t talk to a friend like that, that’s for sure.
Losing the judgemental tone, being unjudgeable, it’s kind of my new thing. And I’m going to test it out, and I think it’s the perfect small step for all of us to move through this life with more ease, and more joy. We can do a billion different things better, or differently, than we’re currently doing them, but I’m pretty sure you are doing the best you can. I know I am. So, I’m going to take the small step to be unjudgeable. I’d love to know if you’re going to try this too. Share anything you’ve got in the comments, below the transcription, on the blog. Or, post it underneath the thread on Facebook. I’d love to know. Here’s to being unjudgeable. See you, guys.