In this episode, Lisa talks about love and fear as two fundamental, motivating emotions. She looks at what authors and speakers like Liz Gilbert and Tony Robbins have said about love and fear, and how tapping into self love can change your life.
Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript:
Hey there, welcome to the very first podcast of 2017. Here were are, on the other side of Christmas and New Year. I certainly hope you had a wonderful holiday. I certainly did, I spent two-and-a-half weeks down in Melbourne, with all my family, and my in-laws, and it was absolutely delightful. Oftentimes, as we live in other people’s homes at this time of year, well, Nick and I can get a little tense, and there sure were some of those moments, but on the whole, we just had a really relaxing, family-filled time. And for the first time in about two-and-a-bit years, I switched off from work. What? I tried to have everything done, so, that was completely frantic, in the lead-up to this moment. But, even although there were just a few things that I needed to do, I actually tried to take a real break. And it’s amazing what can happen! Really, the ideas that I’ve come up with, how refreshed I feel, how present I was able to be with my family, and the realisation that I think about my work a lot of the time. It’s just, it’s the chatter that goes on in my brain, and a big focus for me this year is going to be about really compartmentalising my life a little bit more. Allowing more-, even although I think I’m having free time, it’s that chatter that’s going on in my mind. It’s the ideas that just never really stop, and genuine excitement about the work that I do, and the people who I am serving – which is you.
So, I am recording this podcast episode at 6:25am, and I thought I’d get up before everyone, but alas, I can hear the little pitter patter of feet upstairs above me, so let’s just see how we go in terms of not getting interrupted. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet, so this isn’t going to be a super-long podcast, because my tummy is rumbling, but I just wanted to get it out. While I was away, I recorded a Facebook Live, which was about love and fear, and there basically being two emotions. And, we have our very first visitor into the podcast room! Hold on one second.
Lisa: Yes sweetheart.
M: Can I have an (?)
Lisa: Yes, you can.
Lisa: Close the door, please. In truth-,
M: I hope you do a good job.
Lisa: Oh, thanks, my sweet. Did you hear that? I don’t actually even know what he asked for, but I think it was something maybe a little bit special, from his, ‘Yes!’ that I let him have. I don’t know what it was. And then on the way out, ‘I hope you do a good job, Mum.’ Oh man, there’s a moment.
Anyway, so I recorded this Facebook Live, and it was about, basically, that I’d heard-, I think it was Oprah, or someone, had said there were two basic emotions: Love, and fear. And it really struck me. I thought, ‘Yes, I can see how in my life, I’m usually operating from two place. Love, or fear.’ And they’re both hugely motivating factors, but I do so much more, I feel so much more positive, I think that the world is full of possibilities, when I’m coming from that place of love. And fear, it keeps me stuck, a lot of the time. And a lot of emotions can come down to those two biggies, love and fear. Now, you might totally disagree with me, and that’s fine. I’ve actually done a little bit of a Google, and I was like, ‘What does everyone else say about emotions?’ And there’s a theory about eight pure emotions, and everything being drawn back to that. But I love the simplicity of Oprah’s argument, and I’m always looking for ways to simplify my life. And what I have Googled was also lists of different emotions. So, you know, right now, if you think about these emotions, and what the root of them might actually be. Anger. Hmm, why are you angry? Fear. Depressed? A lot of fear. Confused? Fear. Helpless? Yep, fear. Indifference? So much fear. Hurt, sad, judgemental? Judgemental, so much fear. See?
So, in the Facebook live, I then explained how I love-, I mean, I adore Elizabeth Gilbert. If you don’t follow her on Facebook, follow her. She’s the amazing woman who wrote ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ and a number of other books. She’s just an extraordinary creature, and I want to be in her orbit. And she once said, well, in her book, Big Magic, which is a great read, she talks about that fear is always going to be there. And Tony Robbins says this too. He says, ‘Use fear, or let it use you.’ And in a similar vein, Liz Gilbert says, ‘Fear’s always going to be there.’ Like, we are programmed to recognise scary situations, and, you know, that’s fight or flight, that’s, ‘Get out of there.’ And we need fear to keep us safe, and alive. But fear can take over. Fear can be, like, ‘Hey, I’m going to drive this car, and you can sit in the back seat, and we’re going to be going my way.’ Which is probably not very far, probably a road everyone else is going down too, because fear doesn’t like to take risks. But then, what you can do is say, ‘Fear, thank you. Thanks for trying to keep me safe, but you can jump in the back seat, and I’m going to drive. I’m going to drive this baby anyway.’ And I just love how she describes it like this, because it’s like, I don’t have to say, ‘No,’ to fear. I can accept that I’m going to come across scary situations.
There are going to be times in my life when I want the courage to jump, but fear is going to be right there with me. And I can let fear win, or I can just jump anyway. Because we’ll all consider our decisions, none of us are truly reckless, in the way, perhaps, a two-year-old boy is. But I just love thinking about it that way, and then I started to think more about love and fear. And I was thinking about when-, because obviously in the work that I do, and especially in the Small Steps membership, where I’m spending time with people, and motivating them to take actions in their life. Small actions in their life, that lead to much bigger change. That word, motivating. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been truly motivated by fear. Well, I can be scared that something’s going to happen, so I do something, but if you think about giving up smoking, for example, or creating healthy habits in your life. We can all know what might happen if we eat crap, and don’t move our bodies. We will most probably end up with a few lifestyle diseases. Smoke a lot? The stats are that things aren’t looking good for you. Even although we can know this stuff, it can be scary, like, the fear of death, I guess. It’s still often not enough to motivate us.
But pop out a kid, or, I can imagine, see grandchildren come into the world, and suddenly, that pure love is the biggest motivating force that many of us will experience. Nothing has made me want to be a better person than being a mum. My whole journey with food started when I looked at my kid, and thought my heart was going to burst with love for him. And of course I was going to do everything that I could, in order to make sure he had a long, healthy, happy life, and that I could too. Because I don’t want to miss out on him. I have three kids now, and that bundle of love in my life is something I tap into all the time. When Nick and I are thinking about making decisions, you know, the fear just raises its hairy head. You know, you think about getting a mortgage, or you think about stuff like that. It’s scary, and fear can keep us totally stuck. But you tap into the love, you tap into the hope, the optimism, all those beautiful things that come when we exist from a place of love, and suddenly things are getting done. With the fear around, not much gets done, don’t you reckon? Fear is safe.
So, I just wanted to share a few of those ideas. You know, I think Jim Carey has a few cool videos on this. He uses himself as an example of saying, ‘Hey, Universe, this is what I want. I’m going to work towards it. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, I’m going to let that go.’ But we can manifest the life that we want to live, and he thinks fear-, what does he say? ‘Fear can be disguised as practicality,’ that’s it. That we can often be thinking, ‘Oh look, you know, we just can’t, because it’s just not practical to, you know, relocate. It’s not practical for me to quit my job, to spend time working on craft. It’s not practical.’ And so, we often live lives, not from that place of love for ourselves, and trust of ourselves, that we can live lives aligned with our values. We let the fear, designed as practicality, just keep us safe. So, I just wanted to share those few little things with you, because I truly believe that-, I mean, I’m really interested in motivating people to change their behaviours, for the long term. And a lot of what I talk about, in the membership, and to my Small Steppers, is about forgiveness and self love.
Because once we tap into that, and we’re not making changes because we’re scared, we’re not making changes because we just feel really bad, and we’ve got to do better, and we’re consumed with guilt, and we are thrashing ourselves. Or, we’re scared we’re never going to be healthier. We’re scared, you know, we’re messing up our children. That’s something, but you tap into the love? Your existence is pure love. You tap into that, and suddenly, anything’s possible. Because love is a sustainable motivator. Most of us black out from the major of years of life. I mean, we’re all dying. We are all going to die, but it’s not something we think about all the time, or that we can possibly exist in all the time, apart from in those moments where big things happen, and it’s brought to our agenda. So, you know, the, ‘You will get lung cancer,’ messages, or, you know, you even think about something as big as Climate Change. It’s hard to tap into that really huge, big, scary potential. But if we tap into the reasons why we might want to make those changes, the reasons based in love, well, suddenly there’s a real reason, and that is going to motivate us so much more than fear.
So, there’s my little rant on love and fear, and how, as a small step, you can think, during your day, about whether you’re working from a place of love or fear. And we can choose love, in moments where we feel, like, it’s not only fear. Like, stress, anger, where’s it coming from? Are you stressed out because you just can’t bear the thought of having a messy house? Are you stressed because you just can’t let go, and, you know, get the takeaway one night, you know, as an example? What are you stressed about? Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Are you keeping up with unrealistic expectations of yourself, based on not feeling enough? All fear. So, your small step is to think about love and fear in your day. Where it’s showing up, how you can tap more into love. You deserve it. You can tell fear to just jump in the back seat for a while, and you drive. And, I wonder where you’ll end up. Until the next podcast, see you soon.